five minute fridays … doubt

The thing I first feel when I consider doubt is fear. Fear results for me when I doubt the big things. And sometimes I wonder if it causes the doubt too…

It’s scary to start questioning whether God is there, or whether anyone likes me, or whether my husband really cares, or whether I’ll ever become who I hope I’ll be.

Is it wrong to doubt?

For me, in these cases, it might be. Because it seems to come from a fear that I chose the wrong thing, or that I suck.

But is it wrong to wonder? Wonder comes from a curiosity, a patient inquisitiveness that doesn’t have too much riding on the answer.

When a sense of doubt enters my mind, my instant reaction is to change the subject, because it feels too big. And I’m afraid of the possibility that what I thought was true actually isn’t. But when I reframe it and just consider small possibilities, and just wonder, it’s not so big. And even with the biggest question of God’s existence, when I wonder the little things, the smaller pieces of that possibility, I realize that until reality stops being what it is and there’s absolutely no beauty in the world, I can’t get away from the truth that He is real.

It’s fine to ask, I think, and to wonder. But to allow doubt to convince us to throw away what we previously believed wholeheartedly – I think this is a grave error. That’s not to say we mustn’t struggle. But we must be patient.

I don’t know. Maybe all I’m saying is that we should pray. Maybe that’s all I should ever say.

 

If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.

– James 1:5-8

.

Five-minute Friday is the work of Lisa-Jo Baker and now Kate Motaung. It has become a group of bloggers who write on a topic for only five minutes and then share! For more information, go here

 

five minute friday … learn

To learn is to admit inadequacy. It’s to humble myself, to acknowledge that I am not enough on my own, with just what I have. Some people might look at that statement and cringe, because we’re supposed to be more confident and assured than that. We’re supposed to think we’re awesome and a gift to the world, to not let anyone diminish us or belittle us.

Yeah I don’t agree. I mean, I have talents and a few good qualities, sure. But I know I’m not all that. I’m not the answer to anything, I can’t save anyone, I can’t even really teach anyone. And it’s not my purpose. My purpose is to glorify God, to be enamored of Him and live a life in affection for Him. It’s to not think about me all that much.

If I think I’m something special, if I think I’m enough, I’ll stop listening to God. I’ll stop learning and hearing from Him. Learning needs an open heart just as much as an open mind.

And I want to learn. I want to grow, to become more like Christ. I want to learn other things too, like calligraphy and how to use power tools and how to be friends with someone from a different background. But even then, I have to say, “I don’t know” at some point. Really, learning is just admitting the truth: there’s so much more than me.

.

 

Five-minute Friday is the work of Lisa-Jo Baker and now Kate Motaung. It has become a group of bloggers who write on a topic for only five minutes and then share! For more information, go here

five minute friday … long

Long.

This word has multiple meanings, because English. The first one that comes to mind this morning is length, extent. We are about to have a cherished friend live with us for two months, which is a long time. Hubs is going to be in school, losing sleep and forcing his brain to expand, for at least 2-3 more years before he finishes his master’s degree. That is a long time. I really miss my family and we get to see them at Christmas, but that is a long time from now, although it has been longer in the past (such as yesterday). And that will be a very long drive.

And now, friend, I feel quite tired. In fact, I have felt tired for a long time. But in this short bit of time I have to write, you know what I’m realizing?

God has been around for a bit longer. His reign over all creation is vast and far exceeds the time I’ve been dealing with hard things. And talk about long-suffering love. He has the monopoly on it. He has known me for a long time, loved me for all of it, and for all of it I have been hard to love.

He is so strong and faithful, and I am here really but for a breath. So these things I have, these things that make me tired because they’ll be part of my life for so long – they are small in God’s hands and more than easy for Him to handle.

So I can rest here, for a long time, for eternity. There is no one who will love me longer than my God.

.

Five-minute Friday is the work of Lisa-Jo Baker and now Kate Motaung. It has become a group of bloggers who write on a topic for only five minutes and then share! For more information, go here