When I write on Mondays, I want to talk about our state of being, and how we are meant to live. Society and culture everywhere lack some or other of what God calls us to. There is so much glory and goodness awaiting us! I have this idea for a series of posts that discusses how the life of a Christian should 1) reflect Truth about God and 2) demonstrate an abiding in Him through bearing fruit. The first post is here. I don’t mean the posts to be lectures, because they are actually the outpourings of what I have learned and of how God has corrected me. I am one who needs an extraordinary deal of re-shaping, and all I hope to do is share the resulting thoughts with you. I eagerly welcome your wisdom and engagement in these discussions.

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I’ve had a little wake-up call. It’s not exactly what you would call pleasant.

Even those of us who decry the prosperity gospel, with its claims and promises, affection for wealth and wellness — even we still have a sense we deserve to be healed.

We still bemoan our suffering and are discontent when we feel we lack something we need or want. But Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego (and all martyrs) chose suffering and chose to trust God, regardless of the outcome. They fully acknowledged the possibility that God wouldn’t save them. And Abraham trusted God to provide the sacrifice even though he fully planned to obey God’s command to kill his son.  There seems not to have been much time for complaints about comfort. And God saved Isaac, and saved the three from the fire. But then there’s Jesus. He asked for relief, but simultaneously chose to obey and submit to suffering, to the point of pain and death.

And He died (oh also He crushed death). So what makes us think we merit freedom from pain? We spend so much time and money and effort trying to control our pain levels. Trying to escape discomfort. Trying to lengthen our lives and preserve ourselves. Did God ask us to do any of that? Or did Christ say we must deny ourselves, take up our cross, and follow him?

Well of course He did. It’s a direct quote from Scripture.¹ But how often do we let our hearts accept the enemy’s deception: “Did God really say…?” (Genesis 3)

This is me. I brush over what God really said. Because I am running from the pain. Here are two places I struggle.

1. I have chronic headaches and migraines. I’m now working with a doctor to determine the causes and find solutions. I used to contract sinus infections and respiratory stuff in college, and somehow during those times I often grew closer to God. He was my only refuge. Sometimes I couldn’t speak because of how messed up my throat and breathing were. But He was always there. My headaches do the same thing to me. They isolate me from others to an extent, and they make my thinking fuzzy, and they make me want to cry. Medicine is ineffective, and often sleep is too. God is all I have when I’m in that dark, alone place in pain.

I’m trying to find a way out, an escape from these aches. Until today I hadn’t considered the possibility that I may never get away. But what if? What if there’s no future permanent relief? It’s never been promised to me. I think I need it, but I didn’t make myself so I just don’t fully know my own needs. My deepest needs, the ones that are more important than temporary pain relief.

2. Here’s another one. Sleep really impacts me. If I sleep for fewer than 7.5 hours at night, I inevitably suffer the next day. Headache, body ache, mental fog, emotional sensitivity. If I know I won’t be sleeping long enough, I become anxious and my mood sours. It stays that way when I wake up. I worry not only about the day ahead, but also about how my life could be shortened by insufficient sleep. So I try to plan so I can sleep enough. It just matters so much to me.

But that word: insufficient.

I don’t know why I’m so sensitive to so many environmental and physical things. I don’t know why, but I see how God is using it to teach me throughout my life. I’m one who seems to need re-teaching a lot. I don’t remember stuff too well, or I just can’t get it down (ask my husband about driving a standard or understanding the stock market and credit). I’m highly sensitive, and physical things affect me greatly. I find I’m so discontent when I am sleep-deprived or in pain. I find it terribly hard to be grateful or even hopeful. I’m becoming pretty familiar with a certain level of moody darkness, in my little misery bubble.

But that word: deprived.

Am I really the one to determine what’s sufficient? Am I the one to decide what I deserve? God has already told me:

“My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.”

Sufficiency doesn’t include comfort. It doesn’t exclude suffering. It is only about God’s grace.

Paul had a thorn in his side (whatever that means). Sounds like the worst. But he said, “Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.”²

Somehow Paul knew that the pain he was given was to prevent him from becoming conceited. I don’t know why each of us encounters our trials. Mine remind me how dependent I am on Christ for my very life.

So here and now, I want to say something, and I pray my heart eventually catches up: If this be so, my God whom I serve is able to deliver me from various physical sufferings, and He will deliver me out of this pain. But if not, be it known to you, headaches, and you, Satan, that I will not serve my strong desires for — or worship — relief.³

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Lest you conclude that I’m claiming God wants us to be miserable, let me clarify. God indeed made a perfect world long ago. God’s intent for us and for all creation was to be at peace with the creator. Although there is brokenness today, Jesus died to bring us back to God, to be at peace once more. And I staunchly believe that the purpose of the Church is to work toward that shalom in the world. But there’s still an important question regarding the condition of our desires:

Am I seeking relief from pain more than I’m seeking His kingdom? My answer breaks my own heart.

Yes. I am. Lord, have mercy.

These are the areas where I doubt God’s provision, where I fear insufficiency. For you it might be financial, or relational, or health, or a loss of someone/something priceless, or power. Remember that God says God’s grace is sufficient. Remember God’s crazy love. God doesn’t really give a baseline for anything else we need, except to seek that kingdom first. All other needs (which God determines) will be met. We really just need God. Christ provides Himself, and the Holy Spirit remains with us, which is enough, by a long shot. There is so much hope just in God.

How, then, shall we be?

content amidst discomfort.

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¹Matthew 16:24

²2 Corinthians 12:9

³see Daniel 3:17-18 for a comparable statement

 

 

When I write on Mondays, I want to talk about our state of being, and how we are meant to live. Society and culture everywhere lack some or other of what God calls us to. There is so much glory and goodness awaiting us! I’ve posted here and here about being in awe, and here you can find more background. I think I keep coming back to this because it’s so foundational for me.

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So you guys. I’m not really done talking about awe. Sorry. But not.

I’m being consistently reminded of how necessary this is. It’s how we’re supposed to be. I so much believe that.

Last time I wrote the ‘how to be,’ I remarked that awe is not pure fear – it is fear and reverence and delight and peace all in one. But it might take us a bit to get to that. So I’ve thought about how that internal journey sometimes looks.

First, it takes us acknowledging God’s glory and sovereignty. It takes us at least admitting that we’re tiny. We might not have let go of the power we imagine we have, but we have hopefully noted that God is eternal and we are dust.

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A fairly natural consequence of such an acknowledgement is to be afraid. In Hebrews 10, the author discusses the judgement that awaits those who sin in light of Christ’s sacrifice, effectively profaning Him. ‘For we know him who said, “Vengeance is mine; I will repay.” And again, “The Lord will judge his people.” It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God.’ (Hebrews 10:30-31) God alone has the right to punish, and His holiness and power should be terrifying to those who have no hope in salvation.

There’s this gorgeous hymn. Let all mortal flesh keep silence. And, you’re welcome, I’m putting all the verses. If that seems too much to read, we have bigger issues here. 🙂

Let all mortal flesh keep silence,
and with fear and trembling stand;
ponder nothing earthly minded,
for with blessing in His hand
Christ our God to earth descendeth,
our full homage to demand.

King of kings, yet born of Mary,
as of old on earth He stood,
Lord of lords, in human vesture,
in the body and the blood,
He will give to all the faithful
His own self for heavenly food.

Rank on rank the host of heaven
spreads its vanguard on the way,
as the Light of light descendeth
from the realms of endless day,
that the powers of hell may vanish
as the shadows clear away.

At His feet the six-winged seraph,
cherubim, with sleepless eye,
veil their faces to the presence,
as with ceaseless voice they cry,
“Alleluia, alleluia,
alleluia, Lord most high!” 

This song always does something to me. It puts me in my place, and I am happy to be here. I am overwhelmed with the privilege of being here.  That I could sit at the feet of God is the most marvelous gift. That He could accept me in all my refuse and filth is an incomprehensible grace. And all I will ever be able to return is ‘Alleluia, Lord Most High.’

And please enjoy a pithy quote from Calvin …

“So far are those qualities in us, which seem most perfect, from corresponding to the divine purity. Hence that dread and amazement with which as Scripture uniformly relates, holy men were struck and overwhelmed whenever they beheld the presence of God. When we see those who previously stood firm and secure so quaking with terror, that the fear of death takes hold of them, nay, they are, in a manner, swallowed up and annihilated, the inference to be drawn is that men are never duly touched and  impressed with a conviction of their insignificance, until they have contrasted themselves with the majesty of God. Frequent examples of this consternation occur both in the Book of Judges and the Prophetical Writings; so much so, that it was a common expression among the people of God, “We shall die, for we have seen the Lord.” Hence the Book of Job, also, in humbling men under a conviction of their folly, feebleness, and pollution, always derives its chief argument from descriptions of the Divine wisdom, virtue, and purity. Nor without cause: for we see Abraham the readier to acknowledge himself but dust and ashes the nearer he approaches to behold the glory of the Lord, and Elijah unable to wait with unveiled face for His approach; so dreadful is the sight. And what can man do, man who is but rottenness and a worm, when even the Cherubim themselves must veil their faces in very terror? To this, undoubtedly, the Prophet Isaiah refers, when he says (Isaiah 24:23), “The moon shall be confounded, and the sun ashamed, when the Lord of Hosts shall reign;” i.e., when he shall exhibit his refulgence, and give a nearer view of it, the brightest objects will, in comparison, be covered with darkness.” (Calvin: Institutes of the Christian Religion, Chapter 1)

What I mean to say is that the better we know God, the better we see our own dust-ness. And we have nothing to protect us from His wrath or from the glory of His Presence. This is an incredibly important truth to know. But not to dwell in by itself, alone.

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Because God is not all anger and terror. In very fact, He is near and merciful. He is gentle, compassionate, and forgiving. It simply wouldn’t do to remain in quaking fear without love. What good is that? The fear is only the beginning.

The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge; fools despise wisdom and instruction.  (Proverbs 1:7)

The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is insight. (Proverbs 9:10)

I absolutely think our society has an enormous problem. And I would say Christians have the same problem as anyone else: we don’t believe that God is that great. That all-powerful. That worthy of complete worship and deference. I think we don’t get it. We don’t really know Him if we don’t fear Him. Awe and wisdom are together. It is wise to be in awe, because when we’re in awe, we are acknowledging the truth about God. When we’re not in awe, we are foolishly ignoring plain reality.

Now listen to this song. And agree. Let it sink into your heart. We don’t know anything about holy. God is too great for us.

But He is near to us. It has to be an intimate fear. One that believes He loves us, and that desires Him.

In Isaiah 6, Isaiah sees God’s glory and recognizes his unworthiness in the Presence of God’s purity. And then God tells him his sin is atoned for.

What else can you do after God says, “Your guilt is taken away, and your sin is atoned for”? There was no hesitation from Isaiah. God told him what to do, and he only asked “how long?”¹

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So we know that, although we are nothing, He made us in His image. He made us His own. And we spit on Him and we disregarded His law and scorned Him to the greatest extent. And then He atoned for our filth and hatred toward Him, even as we gave Him every reason not to.

Hm. How shall we respond to such ridiculous, outrageous, foolish love? Our answer, unspoken, un-thought, is “let’s forget about all that, except at a surface level. Let’s carry on as though we can take care of ourselves. That’ll be the best.” But if we do really know God, and if He has really loved us that way, here’s what we should do. We should fall before Him. We should worship Him and be at peace, utter peace.

So we have to let go, Reader. Is that a little scary? Only if you believe you are in control of things and always make the best decisions and don’t need salvation. Which I do. Yeah, all the time.

Let’s give up on that. The gloriousness of awe means I don’t have to be deluded that I am in control; I can be at peace. I’m not in charge of maintaining the universe or atoms. I’m not in charge of justice or salvation. Glory be. You might read Psalm 96.

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Contentment is essential to this awe-being. I spoke of longing before – of longing for eternity and the fullness of God Himself. Longing for wholeness.

But contentment is also there in awe. It looks like rest and thankfulness.

Almighty God, Father, Son and Holy Spirit, to me, the least of saints, to me, allow that I may keep even the smallest door – the farthest, darkest, coldest door, the door that is least used, the stiffest door – if only it be in Your house, O God. That I can see Your glory from afar, and hear Your voice, and know that I am with You, O God. (St. Columba)

Therefore let us be grateful for receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, and thus let us offer to God acceptable worship, with reverence and awe, for our God is a consuming fire. (Hebrews 12:28-29)

Let us respond with adoration. What else is there to do?

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“I’m afraid that I can never do justice in describing or explaining the majesty, power, and perfection of Jesus. That’s the nature of human discussions, I suppose. No matter how high above my own experience I reach, I’ll never be able to adequately pen the qualities of a perfect God. And so even my attempts to expose how I have domesticated Jesus will do just that: I’m bound to domesticate Him further—to wrap Him within pages of description implies that He is small enough to describe. To have humans speak of Him, to write of Him, implies that we can in some way wrap the human mind around Him.”² 

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“A man can no more diminish God’s glory by refusing to worship Him than a lunatic can put out the sun by scribbling the word ‘darkness’ on the walls of his cell. But God wills our good, and our good is to love Him (with that responsive love proper to creatures) and to love Him we must know Him: and if we know Him, we shall in fact fall on our faces.”³

How, then, shall we be?

on our faces.

and alleluia.

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A pair of delightful awe songs to get your blood pumping.

Rising Sun – All Sons & Daughters

Great I AM – New Life Worship

¹http://www.christianitytoday.com/biblestudies/articles/spiritualformation/prepareforshock.html?start=1

²http://www.christianitytoday.com/biblestudies/articles/theology/domesticatinglord.html?start=3

³Lewis, C.S. (1962) The problem of pain. New York: Macmillan Publishing Company

When I write on Mondays, I want to talk about our state of being, and how we are meant to live. Society and culture everywhere lack some or other of what God calls us to. There is so much glory and goodness awaiting us! I’ve posted here and here about being in awe, and here you can find more background.

Before continuing any further, it is necessary to discuss sovereignty itself.

What is sovereignty? It means that God is in control of everything that happens, and it’s all for the purpose of His glory, and therefore also our good (the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose – Romans 8:28). This brings to mind so many questions concerning spiritual things but also earthly things, and sometimes a fusion of the two; here, I think of the problem of evil. That, however, is a topic for another time and page, but most certainly is worth our thought, discussion, and prayer. We do know that God works all things for good. We also know that He establishes our steps (Proverbs 16:9) and has chosen us for a purpose.

Furthermore, sovereignty means that God can do whatever He wants (Psalm 115:3). And He does. Romans 9 explains that Jacob and Esau were, before their birth, predestined by God for certain things, though they themselves had obviously taken no action yet, good or bad. It was done so that “God’s purpose of election might continue, not because of works but because of Him Who calls” (v. 11). The chapter goes on to explain that this demonstrates no injustice in God’s character. Rather, it is up to Him to have mercy or not. And we, the created, have little room to berate or challenge our Creator – what right have we over Him? It is He Who has the right to choose us for whatever purpose He wills.

Even for me, this is a hard truth to swallow; we have this idea of fairness, developed over time and influenced by society, and it has led us to believe we deserve certain things and are entitled to “rights.” Honestly, though, this is foolish. (Clarification: I am not talking about rights to protect people from governments and one another. I am referring to rights we demand and think we deserve from God and others out of our self-centered perspective. This could include going to college, a new car, financial provision, health, or even salvation.  None of them are deserved or can be earned – they are all gifts from God.) Verses 22-23 say, “What if God, desiring to show His wrath and to make known His power, has endured with much patience vessels of wrath prepared for destruction, in order to make known the riches of His glory for vessels of mercy, which He has prepared beforehand for glory…?”

Do you see, friend? I just think we have things all muddled. We have been led to believe, and have readily deceived ourselves to think, that God wants to do things for us, and that is why He created us and loves us and died for us. We think the Gospel is just saying, “Jesus loves me.” We’re a bit like all the people who gave Galileo a hard time for claiming that the earth is not the centre of the universe. We can’t fathom a reality that doesn’t revolve around ourselves. Muddled is too mild of a word – we are depraved. We have twisted things and gone along with the devil’s twisting of things, and we ourselves are twisted. We have the breath of God in our lungs, and we use that breath for ourselves alone. We have His strength in our body, and we serve ourselves. We have His creativity in our minds, and we use it for devious, selfish ends. We have attempted to wrest from God His sovereignty, making ourselves lords of our lives. And in so doing, we have shown ourselves unfit for sovereignty; it does not become us.

We are trying to take hold of that which is too great for us. The Potter has carefully, wonderfully fashioned us on His wheel, and now we want to kick Him off His chair and put Him on the wheel instead. How absurd! It’s laughable. That is, we are laughable in our efforts to dethrone Almighty God, making ourselves idols, gods of our lives. And those efforts are to our shame.

By all means, we should ask questions and seek answers, give deep thought to our beliefs and to the claims of Scripture. But let us not entertain a rebellious spirit that leads us to think we know better than God, Who created our minds and all knowledge.

I should note here that I speak to myself as I write, for how could I point out these errors in others without doing so with myself? For my part, I try to control my life. I am guilty of planning my days the way I choose and allotting my time in the manner I see fit. I so often fail to “walk with [Him] in holy trust, responding to [His] initiatives rather than trying to make things fit [my] plans” (Young, Jesus Calling, p. 117). I make an idol of control.

I will write later of entitlement; I think I have said enough for now. Suffice it to say that no one can contend with God. Moreover, no one will know Him unless He calls them. John 6:44 says, “No one can come to Me unless drawn by the Father Who sent Me; and I will raise that person up on the last day.” He has the final authority.

So then, what is our responsibility? If God takes care of all things and rules all things, what is there to try for, and why should we seek righteousness through faith (Romans 9:30-32)? For example, Philippians 2:12 instructs us to “work out [our] own salvation with fear and trembling,” yet the very next verse tells us that “it is God Who works in [us], both to will and to work for His good pleasure.” There is here an integration of divine sovereignty and human responsibility. I have struggled hugely with this, finding it very difficult to reconcile the concepts that 1) we must believe to be saved, yet 2) only God saves us. Paradox returns to us in full, perplexing force.

Jesus’ parables about the kingdom of heaven make it clear that our actions matter; they do not save us, but they demonstrate the condition of our hearts. Our responsibility is to follow as God leads. He has provided us with instruction on how to do so, and He guides us throughout our lives. It seems that the salvation in Philippians 2 refers not to eternal life and rescue from sin and condemnation, but to a deliverance from disobedience, from failing to follow Christ’s example of humility in the preceding verses. Another word for this might be sanctification. Therefore, we are to grow in discipline and holiness, and, verse 13 reminds us, this happens through God’s grace and power. We are dependent, like it or not, on God. Our lives should reflect this integration of our role and God’s role, with the knowledge that our role is futile without Him.

If you’re like me, you sometimes think all this and then again ask the question, “But how can God command and expect me to obey when God could control my ability to do so?” This is hard. And at this point, I find I have to return to Romans 9, recalling that He is the Lord. He has given me the grace and revelation to understand that and believe it, and it follows, in my mind, that my Creator knows more than I do, just as I know more about the world and life and its meanings than a meal I’ve cooked or a painting I’ve made. And though I am made in God’s image, in some ways God is even more different from me than I am from my work, because He created out of nothing, and I, His creation, also use His creation to create. I am so unoriginal. I cannot possibly take nothing and make something. I am therefore willing to acquiesce to my God, Who knows more and can do more than I can possibly imagine (Ephesians 3:20).

His sovereignty touches everything in my life and in yours, regardless of our acknowledgement of it. For those who can and do acknowledge it, let us not remain unchanged. Let us work out our discipline, our growth, our sanctification, through His grace, so that we may play a small part in making known the riches of His glory.

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How then, shall we be?

small.